💡 Key Concepts

TRIGGER THE TWO WORDS THAT IMMEDIATELY TRANSFORM ANY NEGOTIATION

6 concepts to master

Tactical Empathy / Active Listening / Forced Empathy / Understanding the Other Party's Perspective

Concept

Listening as a martial art, balancing emotional intelligence and influence to gain access to another person's mind and increase your influence. Encompasses actively focusing entirely on the other person, prioritizing their perspective, and creating situations where they are compelled to consider your needs, including understanding their worldview and values.

How It Works

By actively listening and demonstrating understanding, you build rapport, gain trust, elicit needs, anticipate actions, and persuade the other party by showing empathy, leading them to become less defensive and more open to your viewpoint. Use calibrated 'How' questions to prompt reciprocity and engage the other party. Understanding core beliefs builds rapport and allows for tailored solutions. Similarity increases rapport and facilitates trust. Tactical empathy uses labeled emotions to create a safe environment.

Labeling / Neutralize the Negative, Reinforce the Positive / Summary (Paraphrasing + Labeling)

Concept

Validating someone's emotion by acknowledging it, giving it a name to show you identify with how that person feels. Involves addressing and diffusing negative emotions while reinforcing positive emotions. Also involves combining rearticulating the meaning of what is said with acknowledging the underlying emotions.

How It Works

By verbally acknowledging someone's emotions, you diffuse their intensity and create a sense of understanding and connection, which then makes the person more receptive to rational discussion; reinforces positive emotions. By identifying and verbalizing the underlying negative emotions, you make them seem less frightening and reduce their power, while emphasizing positive emotions promotes collaboration and trust. By accurately summarizing both content and emotion, you demonstrate deep understanding and validate their perspective.

Behavioral Change Stairway Model (BCSM)

Concept

A five-stage model for negotiators progressing from listening to influencing behavior: active listening, empathy, rapport, influence, and behavioral change.

How It Works

The model proposes five stages that take any negotiator from listening to influencing behavior, building trust and connection to establish unconditional positive regard.

Unconditional Positive Regard

Concept

Accepting a person completely as they are, which fosters real change.

How It Works

By accepting a person's current state without judgment, you create a safe environment where they feel understood and are more open to changing their thoughts and behaviors.

"That's Right"

Concept

A statement of agreement from the counterpart that signals a breakthrough in negotiation.

How It Works

It indicates the counterpart feels understood and has independently validated your understanding of their perspective, leading to a shift in their position.

"You're Right" Trap

Concept

An agreement that is insincere and merely dismissive.

How It Works

People use You You you’re right You to get someone to stop bothering them without actually agreeing with their position.