THE NEW RULES
4 concepts to master
Calibrated Questions / Illusion of Control
ConceptOpen-ended questions designed to give the other side the illusion of control, encourage thinking, remove aggression, and guide towards solutions, creating a perception that they are in charge while you guide the conversation.
How It Works
By asking questions that require the other party to think and provide answers, you shift the focus, gain information, and guide them towards solving your problems, while making them feel in control and heard. This encourages them to suggest solutions that align with your desired outcome.
System 1 & System 2 Thinking
ConceptSystem 1 is fast, instinctive, and emotional thinking, while System 2 is slow, deliberative, and logical thinking; System 1 heavily influences System 2.
How It Works
Emotional reactions (System 1) precede and shape rational thoughts (System 2); influencing someone's System 1 can modify their System 2 responses.
Tactical Empathy / Active Listening / Forced Empathy / Understanding the Other Party's Perspective
ConceptListening as a martial art, balancing emotional intelligence and influence to gain access to another person's mind and increase your influence. Encompasses actively focusing entirely on the other person, prioritizing their perspective, and creating situations where they are compelled to consider your needs, including understanding their worldview and values.
How It Works
By actively listening and demonstrating understanding, you build rapport, gain trust, elicit needs, anticipate actions, and persuade the other party by showing empathy, leading them to become less defensive and more open to your viewpoint. Use calibrated 'How' questions to prompt reciprocity and engage the other party. Understanding core beliefs builds rapport and allows for tailored solutions. Similarity increases rapport and facilitates trust. Tactical empathy uses labeled emotions to create a safe environment.
Loss Aversion
ConceptThe concept that people are statistically more likely to act to avoid a loss than to achieve an equivalent gain; also involves the certainty effect.
How It Works
People feel the pain of a loss more strongly than the pleasure of an equivalent gain, making them more motivated to prevent losses; people prefer certain outcomes over probabilities.